There’s a difference between when you are beautiful and when you feel beautiful. And to be honest, you’re probably more interested in feeling beautiful than being beautiful.
But what happens when you don’t feel like a goddess? It’s not a fun place to be. You feel low, uninspired and not good enough. Is it hopeless? Au contraire.
Being beautiful vs feeling beautiful
Some people are just born beautiful. Lucky them, right? Well, maybe not. Being “beautiful” isn’t all it’s chalked up to be. In a thought-provoking piece called Extremely Beautiful People Talk About What it’s Like to Be Extremely Beautiful, gorgeous people share what it’s like to be beautiful.
And you might expect everyone to say how amazing it is to have supermodel-looks and easy job offers, but that’s not what these beautiful people report.
A 28-year old beauty said, “When men strike up a conversation with me, they mostly talk about how beautiful I am, instead of asking about my interests. It’s always the same – when you’re good-looking you’re only judged on your appearance. People sometimes forget we have a personality lurking underneath.”
These sentiments are echoed by 21-year old, Luca, who says, “It’s not always fun [being beautiful] – quite often people will just stare at me, making me extremely uncomfortable. And they love to assume that I’m really dumb.”
So, while some people are naturally beautiful, sometimes this beauty makes it harder for them to be taken seriously, to be seen as intelligent, or to be valued for more than just their looks.
This information won’t make you stop wanting to be and feel beautiful. But hopefully, it can help you see that there are always two sides to the same coin.
On more practical terms, what can you do when you don’t feel beautiful? Here are 10 things anyone can do if you’re just not feeling all the beauty feels.
#1: Identify what you don’t like about yourself, can you change it?
No one is perfect. Not even “beautiful” people. And if your flaws bother you, maybe there’s a good reason for them. Perhaps how you look right now isn’t your best look.
Is there something you can do to change your flaws to become your best self? Remember, you don’t have to become the self society wants, or the self the media portrays. But your best self.
Perhaps you need to adjust your weight. Remember, this could mean both losing or gaining weight. What about your hairstyle? Maybe your hair isn’t doing you any justice. The same goes for your clothing and styling.
You might feel tempted to try cosmetic surgery, too. You’re the only person who can decide if it’s right or wrong for you. So, before you go for it, always ask yourself how cosmetic surgery will change your life? Do you think it will make lasting, long-term improvements?
#2: Say “Thank you!”
When someone compliments your looks, say “Thank you!” You might not believe the compliments or agree with them. But say thank you anyways. Why? Because you can eventually come to believe these positive compliments if you affirm them frequently and regularly enough.
#3: Take a break from social media
Comparison is the thief of joy, and scrolling through Instagram doesn’t help. Did you know that one of the underlying consequences of social media is discontent?
And there’s a very good chance that social media is making you compare your looks with everyone else’s.
But there’s a catch. You’re not comparing your looks with real looks. You’re comparing your looks to someone else’s highlight reel. So, just take a break. You’ll be better off for it.
#4: Be grateful to your body
Your body and face may not look like what’s coming out of Hollywood right now, but is that your body’s fault? Not at all!
If you think about it, your body is doing the best it can with what DNA it has, and with what you do with it.
So, if you move your body, exercise, and eat well – in a nutshell, if you take care of yourself – your body will thrive the way it should. What could be better than that?
#5: Surround yourself with kind and confident people
Instead of wasting time on social media platforms, spend time with kind and confident people. Why? Because they’re real! And because they will make you feel good – and not just about how you look.
That’s not all that important anyway. What’s most important is that you feel connected, loved and worthy. These types of people can help you feel that way, and in the end, they can help you feel beautiful, too.
#6: Kindness and love are far more valuable in the long run
Beauty is great. After all, it’s beautiful. But if you’re mean, snobby, bitchy and not trustworthy, no one will want to be around you, no matter how beautiful you are.
So, instead of placing so much premium on outward appearance, start to cultivate long-lasting values like being kind, being confident, being loving, being patient, being trustworthy, and most importantly, being YOU.
#7: Replace every “flaw” with something you love
Most of us have gotten into the bad habit of seeing ourselves in the mirror and immediately focusing on our flaws. Stop that! Whenever you focus on a flaw, turn your attention to something you do love about your face or body.
Over time, you can take it one step further. Instead of replacing one physical flaw for one physical favorite, try to focus on the skills, abilities and personality traits you admire about yourself.
#8: Stand and sit up taller
According to a study in the European Journal of Social Psychology, researchers found that when people sat up straight they were more confident about the statements they wrote down.
So, stand up tall, pull your shoulders back and keep your chest open. This physical posture can help you feel beautiful and confident.
#9: Replace judgments with observations
We can be very judgmental towards other women, but one of the reasons why we act this way is because we’re incredibly harsh towards ourselves. So, the next time you catch yourself judging how you look, try to observe yourself instead.
This is a more objective way to look at yourself. Eventually, you’ll learn to replace criticism with acceptance. Then, slowly and with time, you’ll learn to replace acceptance with appreciation.
#10: Wear clothes that suit you
Style trends come and go. Some women look amazing in skinny jeans. Others can rock the high-waisted mom jeans. But now is not the time to try and fit in. Now is also not the time to wear clothes that make you feel like you need to change something about your body.
Now is the time to style yourself differently and wear clothes that make you look amazing. Because you are!