We've all had days when everything seems to be irritating to the point where you just wish you could crawl under a blanket and never come out of the bed. Sometimes, you might even feel incredibly angry for no good reason. But usually, these moods pass as quickly as they arrived.
The situation gets more complicated when the bad mood is happening to your husband and even worse when it seems to never end. So what to do if your husband just seems to be cranky all the time and nothing cheers him up? And can you even do anything?
Stop blaming yourself
When your husband is in a bad mood all the time, it's easy to start blaming yourself for it and thinking whether the mood is caused by you in some way.
You need to realize though that whatever is bugging him, it's almost never related to you. Most likely, he's either feeling tired, bored, demotivated or just bad about his health or life in some other aspect. In most cases, there's nothing you could do differently and even if his bad mood is triggered by you in some way, you're not to blame in the way he reacts.
Emotional reactions are deeply personal and are never a reflection of the other person. Think of it this way: if you get angry at a pedestrian crossing the road from the wrong place, is the pedestrian really to blame in your anger? You could have just as well reacted completely neutrally.
So as you see, reactions are related to our personal emotions, not to others. Offense is taken, not given, and the same applies to your husband's moodiness. No matter the reason, his bad mood is in no way an implication of something you've done.
PS: If you repeatedly ask him whether you did something wrong, it might be even more annoying for him since he understands his mood is directly influencing you as well, so it might make him even more miserable. All the more reasons to stop carrying the guilt for his crankiness.
Ignore the crankiness
If your husband is feeling bad due to work and he comes home where you constantly remind him about his mood by asking questions about it repeatedly, he never has a chance to forget about the irritating factors, thus contributing to his crankiness even further.
Therefore, sometimes it's best to just ignore his bad mood. Instead of reacting to his snappy comments or frown on the forehead, give him a chance to take his mind off of negative thoughts and completely ignore it. Make him a nice dinner, watch his favorite movie together (even if it's the Terminator for the 100th time), kiss him, just be there for him, but don't remind him the negative situations all the time.
Sometimes, all he needs is a bit of positivity and some tenderness for a better mood.
Break the routine
We can all fall in a real rut sometimes. Routine can be good but if it goes on for too long, it can start messing with your head by creating a restless and demotivated feeling. The result: incredibly cranky mood because your head tries to think of ways to break the routine and find something fresh to add some motivation but it just comes back empty.
Routine might be the culprit when it comes to your husband's bad mood as well. Perhaps he's just feeling tired and joyless since there's nothing new in his life? Perhaps he feels that he keeps reliving the same day, like a Groundhog day?
If so, try to keep things fresh at home. Do something fun and unexpected together, take a vacation or try something kinky in the bedroom. There are endless options!
If his grumpiness doesn't seem to leave for days or even weeks, it's understandable you might start feeling tired and even stressed yourself. In the end, you two are deeply connected and if he feels lousy, it might carry on to you as well or you might just feel as if you're not a “good wife” if you can't make him happier.
This might result in the biggest bane of any relationship: nagging. And the worst part: often you don't even realize you're nagging on him.
For example, when he's sitting on the couch with a deep frown on this face, you might unknowingly say in a tired voice: “Ugh, why are you having that look on your face again?!” or “What's wrong NOW?!”. This will just onset an even worse mood.
When he's gloomy, observe your tone and words especially carefully. Instead of giving him snide remarks, be gentle, kiss him, hug him and be there for him.
Don't press him
When you're in a bad mood, do you like it when people keep asking what's wrong? Probably not. Bad mood can be triggered by many things, from stress at work and routine to sleep deprivation, bad diet, lack of sunlight or health issues. Often, your husband might not even really know what's bothering him. He just might have a nagging feeling that makes him feel crumpy or mad.
So when you keep urging him to tell you what's bothering him, it just makes him even more upset since he might not really know the answer.
Instead of pressing him to tell you what's troubling him, be there for him and just spend time with him. If he figures out the troubling issue and knows you're there to support him, he'll tell you what was wrong anyway. Don't push him – let him come to you.
As mentioned, plenty of physiological issues can cause a blue mood as well, including:
- lack of sleep/wrong sleeping pattern
- bad diet – not enough healthy nutrition and vitamins
- hormonal imbalance – not enough serotonin (a.k.a the “happiness hormone)
- not enough sunlight
Even though you want to protect your partner from sadness, sometimes you need to let go and let him deal with it himself. All you can do is support him, help him break out of the routine and guide him towards healthy choices, but don't ever think his bad mood is your fault and don't ever nag or push him. The dark clouds will pass, as they always do.